Sura Seuri Siga Sero

Kawin
Ti kamar rumah sakit, hiji pameget nyalukan istrina, teras wasiat, “Mun kuring maot, anjeun kudu kawin ka Kang Syams Ridwan!”
“Haar ... Apan Kang Ridwan téh musuh gerot anjeun?”
“Enya, kuring ngalaman sangsara kanyenyerian sakitu taun, sugan wé manéhna ogé ka alaman!”
(Mang Jamal)

Cingcin Kawin
Di hiji pésta, hiji istri naroskeun ka istri sanés, “Téh naha anjeun masang cingcin kawin di ramo nu salah?”
“Dihaja puguh, tétéh téh nikah jeung pameget nu salah!”
(Mang Jamal)

Tukang Selingkuh
“Anjeun jiga nu keur katunggara? Aya naon?”
“Enya ieu téh. Kuring rék jadi Bapa yeuh!”
“Naha beut jiga lieur kitu?”
“Soalna pamajikan kuring can apaleun!”
(Mang Jamal)

Tatangga
Hiji istri ngagosip di kantorna, “Tatangga simkuring mah, resep pisan ngagogoréng carogéna. Istri nu teu soléh éta mah. Abdi mah, sakitu ogé lanceuk ogoan, males, kumaki, belegug, abdi mah tara nyarioskeun pun lanceuk!”
(Mang Jamal)

Naék Gajih
Hiji mangsa Kang Hasan ngahadep ka atasana, maksud rék ménta naék gajih, tuluy ku si bos ngadon dojawab kieu:
“Naha ieu téh teu salah dadanguan, maké hayang kenaékan gajih sagala. Coba impleng ku manéh Hasan, ari sataun pan aya 365 poé, tiap poé gawé mung 8 jam berarti sapertiluna lin? Jadi lamun diitung sataun téh mung aya 122 poé kerja, tuluy kantor tutup poé minggu, berarti dikurangi 52 poé, kari 70 poé. Ditambah hak cuti meunang 2 minggu atawa 14 poé, jadi 70 dikurangi 14, tinggal 56 poé. Tambahan ogé paling saeutik sataun aya 4 poé libur nasional, tinggal 52 poé. Antukna pan Saptu téh di dieu mah libur, dikkurangi deui 52 poé. Tuh pan mung diitun-itung mah teu gawé!
Naha manéh beut hayang naék gajih sagala?”
Kang Hasan bati olohok siga kembang kadu bari jamotrot kawas kembang jahé. Ari Mang Jamal ngadon mencenges kawas kembang céngék.
(Taufik Hidayat)

Mun Bill Gates Maot
Kaacritakeun, dina mangsana, Bill Gates (juragan Microsoft téa) maot. Manéhna kusabab berjasa jang kasalametan jelema sina milih tempat, naha badé lebet ka naraka atawa surga. Ngan kumargi teu acan apal bédana, nya tataros ka malaikat nu jaga.
“Malaikat, ari ieu alus-alus teuing naon éta téh?” bari niningalian gambar dina naraka. Enya gambar nu gareulis, kadaharan, pamandangan éndah nu matak waas.
“Naraka!”
“Ah … ka dieu atuh kuring asup …” Cék Bill Gates bari langsung ngajleng. Tapi kakara ogé sup, geus kocéak Bill Gates ngagorowok, panas!
“Yeuh … malaikat, gening naraka téh panas kieu? Teu jiga dina pantona tadi ….”
“Oh … puguh wé da dina panto tadi mah, mung saukur Screen Saver-na.”
(Mang Jamal)

Salah Sangka
Kareta api barang nyemprung ti wétan ka kulonkeun.
Kabeneran disisi rel nu deukuet ka stasion aya tukang loték keur ngebut-ngebut elap beureum na sabab daganganana geus béak kari samarana wungkul.
Ningali di hareup aya nu ngebut-ngebut lamak beureum, masinis ngerém karéta api disangka aya bahaya. Terus nolol tina kaca jandela bari nanya ka tukang loték,
“Aya naon, Bi?”
“Teu aya nanaon, mung kantun samarana wungkul!”
(Hasan Supriadi)

Pamuda nu Boga Panyakit Insomnia jeung Limpeuran
Si Ontohod katelahna. Hiji mangsa ngobrol jeung babaturana Si Ibro.
“Bro, panyakit insomnia kuring cageur euy.”
“Kunaon sababna?”
“Kamari dina waktu Juma’ahan, khotib keur khotbah kuring ngaguher saré mani tibra. Hudang-hudang pas batur carebgkat rék sholat.”
“Nya sukur wéh atuh.
“Insomnia cageur ngan …”
“Ngan naon, Ontohod?
“Panyakit limpeuran kuring kambuh. Ari indit ka masjid téh maké sendal jepit, naha ari balik jadi maké sapatu nu alus!”
“Da kitu manéh mah, matak diaranan Ontohod ogé. Si bedul …!”

Lagu Kebangsaan India
Mr. Liem Swie King keur ngajar di sakolana. Harita pelajaran IPS.
“Cik barudak ayeuna sebutkeun lagu kebangsaana. Stevanie, lagu kebangsaan Jepang naon?”
“Kimigayo Pak,” jawabna.
“Alus, bener. Cik maneh Valentino, Malaysia naon lagu kebangsaana?”
“Malaysia mah, Negaraku Pa!”
“Hadé, awas ulah jadi warga nagara Malaysia bisi dikadék ku Bapa.”
“Naha ari Bapa?”
“Bongan ngaheureuyan waé di Ambalat. Geus ah. Ayeuna manéh Jordy, nagara India, naon?
Huleng, da si Jordy mah tara ngapalkeun.
“Hmm … éta Pa, hmmm, Kuch Kuch Hota He …!”
“Ari menéh cik atuh sing bener, ulah ngérakeun Bapa. Jessica naon jawabana?”
“India mah Térajana nya Pa!”
“Saruana manéh tara ngapalkeun, nangtung ka haerup duaan.”

Tatarucingan
“Naon anu hideung, leutik, lamun disintreuk matak asup rumah sakit?”
“Karang dina pipi Marinir.”
 
“Nini saha anu tigujubar ka walungan teu maot?”
“Nini na kuya.”

“Naha lauk teu hirup di darat?”
“Yee … apan sieuneun ku ucing jeung ku … manéh!”

“Enya kitu mun panggih ucing hideung tengah peuting alamat cilaka?”
“Gumantung ka salira éta mah, naha peuting éta téh keur jadi jelema atawa beurit!”

“Kumaha cara ngabédakeun kuda sébra nu jalu jeung nu bikang?”
“Gampang, cék dokter héwan mah kieu: nu jalu mah kulit aslina hideung garis-garis bodas, tah nu bikang mah, kulit aslina bodas garis-garis hideung.”

“Endog naon nu dipikasieun ku endog séjén?”
“Bedul téh, tarucing nanahaon éta? Aya kitu?”
“Aya, endog asin. Sabab manéhna pan aya tatoan!”

“Amrul, ku hujan waé mani sieun?”
“Da datangna lobaab, bisana ngan ngoroyok. Coba lamun hiji-hiji urang gé wani”

“Naon bédana ASI jeung ari mineral?”
“Teuing. Urang mah apal gé ka anu saruana.”
“Hah? Na aya nu saruana kitu?”
“Enya, sarua kaluar ti gunung!”
“Bedul, siah!”
(Mang Jamal)

Geus Cageur
Aki : “Geus dibéjakeun ka Ustad, yén Aki geus cageur?”
Incu : “Atos Ki.”
Aki : “Kumaha ngabéjakeunana?”
Incu : “Pa Ustad, tahlilanna teu janten.”

Paribasa Orowodol
Cikaracak ninggang batu,
laun-laun cikaracakna saat
Lieuk euweuh ragap teu aya
(lamun tarucing, jawabna jurig …!)

English Word-Play (Just for fun!)

By Irfan Anshory

English: The Crazy Language

ENGLISH IS THE MOST WIDELY used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings can speak it. More than half of the world’s book and three-quarters of international mail are in English. It is the language of globalization—of international business, politics, diplomacy, computers and the Internet.

Nonetheless, English is a crazy language. There is no ham in hamburger, neither pine nor apple in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads (which aren’t sweet) are meat. We take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea.

Why is it that a writer writes and singers sing, but fingers don’t “fing” and hammers don’t “ham”? If the plural of mouse is mice, shouldn’t the plural of house be “hice”? If the teacher taught, why isn’t it true that the preacher “praught”? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also “bote” your tongue!

In what other language do people place a book and book a place, drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quiet a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English reflects the creativity of the human race (which isn’t really a race at all). That is why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay I end it.

Palindrome

The word PALINDROME comes from the Greek palindromos which mean ‘running back’. A palindrome is a word or sentence which reads the same backwards as it does forwards. Madam, eye, redder, deified, race car, trap part, eroded ore and sublevel bus are the example of palindromes.

There are many good English palindromes, such as the words attributed to Napoleon, ‘Able was I ere I saw Elba’, or those written to honour the man who devised the Panama canal: ‘A man, a plan, a canal—Panama’. The other palindromes are listed below.

Rise to vote, sir.
Name now one man.
Was it a cat I saw?
Live not on evil.
I’m a nun, am I?
Ma is as selfless as I am.
Sir, I demand. I am a maid named Iris.
Are we not drawn onward to new era?
No mists or frost, Simon.
Draw pupil’s lip upward.
Anne, I stay a day at Sienna.
Not New York, Roy went on.
Nurse, I spy gypsies, run!
Niagara, O roar again!
Borrow or rob!
Dennis and Edna sinned.
Naomi, did I moan?
No, it is opposition.
Emit sex at taxes time.
Too bad! Ah, I had a boot.
Ten animals slam in a net.
Star comedy by Democrats.
I saw I was DNA and saw I was I.

In Eden, I ….

+ Madam!
- Oh, who?
+ Madam, I’m Adam.
- Name of a foe man?
+ O, stone me! Not so.
- Eve maid. I am Eve.
+ Eve. Drowsy baby’s word. Eve.
- I’m a Madam Adam, am I?
+ Now a seesaw on ....
- Mad Adam!
+ Aha!
- I won’t! O, not now, I ....
+ Pull up if I pull up.
- Top spot!
+ Won’t lover revolt now?
- No, none. My hero! More hymen, on, on ....
+ O God! I do? Go!
- Mmmmmmm ....

There are some palindromes in Bahasa Indonesia as well. Here are some examples.
Kasur Nababan rusak.
Idham, ini Mahdi.
Tamuku kumat.
Ibu, aku suka ubi.
Ira hamil lima hari.
Rudi & Tuti malam itu tidur.

Anagram

An anagram is the transposed phrase or rearranged letters. Voltaire, whose real name was Francois Marie Arouet, formed his pseudonym by making an anagram of Arouet l.j. (le jeune, the young) using u as v and j as i. His friends suspected that Voltaire didn’t want to heard himself called arouer (‘whipping boy’).

Here are some anagrams.

revolution—to love ruin
telegraph—great help
sweetheart—there we sat
hysterics—his set cry
enigmatical—in magic tale
penitentiary—nay, I repent it
marriage—a grim era
mother-in-law—the warm lion
angered—enraged
conversation—voices rant on
the eyes—they see
excitation—intoxicate
ladies—ideals
salesmen—nameless
sauciness—causes sin
waitress—a stew, sir?
train—it ran
diplomacy—mad policy
parliament—partial men
softheartedness—often sheds tears
one + twelve—two + eleven
astronomers—moon-starers
greyhound—hey, dog, run!
medical consultation—noted miscalculation
negation—get a ‘no’ in
a gentleman—elegant man
cabaret—a bar, etc.
received payment—every cent paid me
inconsistent—n is, n is not, etc.
protectionism—nice to imports
debit card—bad credit
the cafeteria—fact: I eat here
falsehood—has fooled
the nudist colony—no untidy clothes
a steward—draws tea
decimal point—I’m a dot in place
old master—art’s model
violence—nice love
nowhere—now here

James Watt—a steam wit
Clint Eastwood—old west action
Margareth Thatcher—that great charmer
Florence Nightingale—flit on, cheering angel
Ronald Wilson Reagan—ran on all wrong ideas
Richard Milhouse Nixon—his climax: ruined honor
Victoria, England’s Queen—governs a nice quiet land
William Shakespeare—we all make his praise
Nicholas Copernicus—can helio-spins occur?
The Morse Code—here come dots
Rocky Mountains—o, man, ski country
The United States of America—a site for each destitute man

Test Your Anagram

The words defined in each group are composed of the same letters but in different arrangements.
*A small rock; Brief messages; Pitches in music.
*Sends payment; Earns; A title of respect.
*Gone by; Faucets; Small piece of butter.
*To load, as a ship; A metal; A round in a card game.
*Rules, as a king; To quit formally; A songster.
*Felines; Persons in a play; Divisions of a drama.
*Chronological measure; Short article; To issue.
*Makes a clear profit; A number (plural); Bird’s home.
*Supplications; Turns wan; Slip into error.
*Accepts or selects; Large cut of meat; A shoe on wheels.


ANSWER: stone-notes-tones; remits-merits-mister; past-taps-pats; lade-lead-deal; reigns-resign-singer; cats-cast-acts; time-item-emit; nets-tens-nest; pleas-pales-lapse; takes-steak-skate.

Pangram

A pangram (“all letters”) can be defined as a group of words using all the twenty-six letters of the alphabet. The most familiar pangrams, often used in learning to type, include all the letters but contain some of them more than once.

Here are some pangrams with their respective letter-totals:
The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog (33 letters)
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs (32 letters)
The five boxing wizards jump quickly (31 letters)
How quickly daft jumping zebras vex (30 letters)

A perfect pangram must use all the twenty-six letters exactly once:
Mr Jock, TV quiz Ph.D., bags few lynx.

Puzzles

What’s the difference between a hungry boy and a greedy boy?
One longs to eat, other eats too long.

What’s the difference between a married man and a bachelor?
One kisses the miss, other misses the kiss.

What’s the difference between a tube and a Dutchman?
One is a hollow cylinder, other is a silly Hollander.

What’s the difference between a stamp and a girl?
One is a mail fee, other is a female.

Why is honey scarce in Bandung?
Because there’s only one ‘bee’ in Bandung.

What’s the longest word?
‘Smiles’, there’s a mile between its first and last letters.

What’s the longest name?
The Sundanese name IIM, eleven meters!

Why do we go to bed?
Because the bed won’t come to us.

What’s the hottest letter?
‘B’, because it makes oil boil.

Why is the letter ‘F’ like the banana skin?
Both make all fall.

Where does Thursday come before Wednesday?
In the dictionary.

What has four eyes but cannot see?
Mississippi.

What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?
A teapot.

With which hand should you stir your tea?
Neither, you should use a spon.

What liquid can’t you freeze?
Hot water.

What’s the cheapest way to get to America?
Be born there.

Why do doctors and nurses wear masks?
If someone makes a mistakes, they won’t know who.

What’s an autobiography?
The life story of a car.

Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?
Stone.

Why did a boy draw a square when the teacher asked him to draw a ring?
It was a boxing ring.

When can you move as fast as a train?
When you are inside it.

What belongs to you, but is used more by other people?
Your name.

Are you mad if you talk to yourself?
Only if you answer.

How can you drop an egg ten meters without it breaking?
Drop it eleven meters.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because their children play inside.

What time is it when your clock strikes thirteen?
Time to get a new clock.

What question can never be honestly answered ‘yes’?
Are you asleep?

What is too much for one, enough for two, but nothing for three?
A secret.

Where are elephants found?
They’re so big that they never get lost.***

JOKES

(1)
Kapan HEISENBERG dilahirkan?
Oh, tentang itu sangat TIDAK PASTI.

(2)
Suatu ketika seekor siput sedang menyeberang jalan, tiba-tiba dari belakang tertabrak oleh kura-kura. Setelah beberapa saat, di sebuah ruang perawatan ia dimintai keterangan soal kecelakaan tersebut. “Saya sungguh tak ingat,” siput mencoba untuk menjelaskan, “ANDA LIHAT, DIA BERLARI, DAN KEJADIANNYA BEGITU CEPAT!”

(3)
RENE DESCARTES duduk untuk makan siang di sebuah restoran Persia. Seorang pelayan menghampirinya dan menanyakan apa yang akan dia pesan. Descartes memesan hamburger.
Pelayan bertanya kembali, "Apakah hamburger Anda ingin hamburger yang sangat kering?” Descartes berkata, "Saya pikir TIDAK," ... dan tiba-tiba IA MENGHILANG.

(4)
Rene Descartes (1596-1650)
French philosopher, mathematician, and scientist. Descartes' methodology was a major influence in the transition from medieval science and philosophy to the modern era. Notorious for his famous phrase, "Cogito, ergo sum" (I think, therefore I am).
In 1664, while still a student, Newton studied both the mathematics and the physics of Descartes and was influenced by his approach through experiment.
diambil dari: Ted Smith, tcsmith@calweb.com

(5)
"I wish I had invented the telegraph," he replied remorsefully

(6)
Suatu ketika Heisenberg ditilang oleh polisi lalu lintas, karena menjalankan mobilnya sangat kencang melebihi kecepatan maksimal. Polisi itu berkata: “Anda tahu SEBERAPA CEPAT Anda menjalankan mobil?”
Heisenberg berkata: “Tidak, tapi saya tahu DIMANA SAYA BERADA.”

(7)
Werner Heisenberg (1901–1976)
German physicist. One of the founders of the quantum theory, he is best known for his uncertainty principle, which states that it is impossible to determine with high accuracy both the position and momentum of a subatomic particle like the electron.

(9)
+: Dua ekor kucing di atap. Kucing mana yang akan turun terlebih dahulu?
-: Kucing yang memiliki ‘meow’ lebih kecil (huruf Yunani mu - μ).
(10)
Jika kamu memasuki laboratorium dan melihat di sana beberapa percobaan.
Tahukah laboratorium apakah yang kamu masuki?
Jika berwarna hijau dan penuh cacing, adalah laboratorium biologi
Jika berbau busuk, tidak salah lagi laboratorium kimia
Jika di dalamnya tidak ada yang bekerja, itulah laboratorium fisika
.
(11)
Gavitasi tidak menyebabkan seseorang jatuh hati.

(12)
Mengapa seekor ayam menyeberang jalan?
Issac Newton 1 : Ayam yang diam akan tetap di tempat. Ayam yang bergerak akan menyeberang jalan.
Issac Newton 2 : Ayam itu mendorong jalan dengan kakinya.

(13)
The Principia
In 1687 Newton summarized his discoveries in terrestrial and celestial mechanics in his Principia (mathematical principles of natural philosophy), one of the greatest milestones in the history of science.
In it he showed how his principle of universal gravitation provided an explanation both of falling bodies on the earth and of the motions of planets, comets, and other bodies in the heavens.
The first part of the Principia is devoted to dynamics and includes Newton's three famous laws of motion; the second part to fluid motion and other topics; and the third part to the explanation of Kepler's laws of planetary motion.
(14)
Kapan Isaac Newton menemukan gaya gravitasi?
Ketika Si Sujang berteriak garfit pada waktu tertimpa durian di kepalanya.
Kenapa Isaac Newton menemukan gaya gravitasi?
Karena Si Sujang meninggal setelah tertimpa durian, jika tidak Si Sujang lah yang menemukan gaya gravitasi.

(15)
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

(16)
+ : Kapan elektron melepaskan energinya?
- : Ketka mereka sudah Bohr-ing

(17)
Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
A Danish Physicist. Developed the modern atomic model about atoms built up of sucessive orbital shells of electrons. He won the 1922 Nobel Prize for physics, chiefly for his work on the structure of atoms.

(19)
“Nah, sekarang kita akan membicarakan sebuah topik tentang GLBB. Saya akan menulis konstanta ‘g’ di sini,” seorang guru menjelaskan dan menuliskan huruf ‘g’ di papan tulis, lalu “bagaimana kita dapat mengukur konstanta ‘g’ ini? Ada yang punya pendapat?”
Salah seorang murid berdiri dan maju ke depan kelas sambil membawa penggaris, dia berkata “Kita dapat mengukurnya dengan penggaris Pak!”

(20)
What is mind? No matter.
What is matter? Never mind.

(21)
Di sebuah laboratorium super canggih, dengan peralatan lengkap dan super komputer. Berderet peralatan yang sangat asing, dengan lampu kerlap-kerlip di sana sini.
Di sebuah sudut tampak sebuah kotak kaca, cukup besar, dengan tulisan mencolok “PECAHKAN KACA INI BILA KEADAAN DARURAT”
Dan di dalam kotak kaca itu terdapat sebuah alat yang sangat penting, yaitu sebuah ... sempoa!

(22)
Saya mempercayai bahwa “suhu” lah yang akan menamatkan alam semesta ini.
Karena saya seorang penganut paham Kelvinis.

(23)
Apa yang paling disukai ketika fisikawan menonton pertandingan sepakbola?
Mexican wave

(24)
Q: What is uttered by a sick duck?
A: Quark!

(25)
Atom hidrogen mendatangi kantor polisi dan memonta bantuan....
Atom hidrogen: "Seseorang telah mencuri elektron saya pak!"
Polisi: "Anda yakin?"
Atom hidrogen: "Ya, positif."
Polisi: "Oh, saya pikir Anda telah menjadi negatif lagi."

(26)
Q: Why is electricity so dangerous?
A: It doesn't conduct itself.

(27)
TOKO PARTIKEL SUB ATOM
Toko Partikel Sub Atom, menjual beberapa barangnya hari ini
Elektron: Rp. 1.000
Proton: Rp. 1.000
Neutron :Gratis!

(28)
Radioaktif – hal yang sangat mudah, hanya ada alfa, beta, gamma...

(29)
KECEPATAN WAKTU adalah satu detik per detik

(30)
"Jika tidak ada malam, maka matahari akan ‘berputar’ mengelilingi bumi 2 kali lebih sering."

(31)
Abad ke-21 merupakan abad teknologi, maka sebentar lagi akan ada pesawat penjelajah ruang angkasa yang akan mendarat di matahari. Agar pesawat tidak terbakar karena suhu matahari begitu panas, perjalanan dilakukan pada malam hari.

(32)
Hayu urang ngawangkong jeung aKI-na si MIA!
• "Wow, ide tentang percobaan sel volta ini sungguh berilium!" (baca: brilian)
• "Dimohon kepada penumpang pesawat agar segera menyiapkan kartu fosfor-nya!" (baca: paspor)
• "Gun, nanti malam kita nonton bola, arsen-al lawan klorin-al!
• "Ah, itu-itu aja pelajarannya, boron!" (baca: boring)
• "Ayo nak kita belajar berhitung, one, two, three, ... fluor!" (baca: four)
• "Lith-ium alone!" (baca: leave him)
• "Sarapannya makan bismut aja ya!" (baca: biskuit, ^_^ maksa pisaaan)
• "Satu-satunya unsur yang harus diberi sesaji dan berkurang nilainya adalah emas ... (Parto)"
• "Dia suku Indium ya?" (naca: Indian)
• "Did he have a car-bon?" (baca: car bomb)
• "Asoy aya lattice, karesep déwék ieu mah!" (baca: lotek ... nyambung teu?)
• "Mba, beli polo-nium!" (baca: polo mint)
• "Negara di Asia yang berani menentang Amerika Serikat hanya Korut dan Iron."
• "Pertandingan sepakbola Liga Italia malam ini Bari-um melawan Napoli-um"
• "Can they cur-ium?" (baca: cure him)
• "Cik atuh Sesium téh ulah dimana waé!" (baca: seuseuhan, wios ah garing ogé)
• "That was so-dium good" (read as so damn)
• “Yah, perkembangan perusahaan kita, sejauh ini, sul-phur ... so good lah!” (baca: so far)
• "Nama saya I-on, nama panjangnya I-on Setia-on" (Iwan Setiawan maksud dia)
• "Yang bikin acara heboh kemarin di Serang itu namanya Tung-sten Waringin" (baca: Tung Desem)
• "A-cid becok cayah cama Cuci mau ke Cemarang"
• "Pahlawan kaum Muslim yang bisa ditarik magnet adalah Kha-lead bin Wa-lead"
• "Yo wis, mangan ora mangan sing penting ana neon"
• "Mbo ya jangan makan mangan tha! Gendheng pa kowe arep mangan mangan."
• "Ma, kalau Bahasa Inggris-nya kucing itu cat ya? Kata-Lis!" (Kata Lis, Listiawati)
• ”I zinc yu sudah keterluan, bro! Jangan ar-gon gitu dunk ma kita-kita!” (bahasa orang kampung baru datang ke kota)

(33)
This is how I remeber X and Y axses:
X goes to the sky and Y tries to Fly!!!
(Joyce S. Blackwell, Fayetteville, NC; jblackwell11@nc.rr.com )


(34)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hurricane.
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Can you run away from the storm?
(Joyce S. Blackwell, Fayetteville, NC; jblackwell11@nc.rr.com )


(35)
Why did the man use ketchup in the rain?
Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.

(36)
Apa artinya satu bit?
Artinya ada lebah yang marah.

(37)
True story:
A student walked into his discreet math class late and in order not to interrupt he put his late slip on the teacher's desk furtively without the teacher noticing. The teacher noticed the slip on his desk afterwards. He commented "I see you put this slip on my desk without me noticing. I guess that's why they call this class discrete mathematics."
(Adam Blais, the_toast_boy@hotmail.com)

(38)
Ketika saya mengatakan akan nonton sepakbola, padahal akan didakan ujian, seorang teman berkata, "Kamu serius, Morang?"
"Ya, demi Persib ... seperti bintang paling terang di gelapnya langit malam, saya Sirius!!"

(39)
The great logician Betrand Russell once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1 + 1 = 1.
So one day, some smartypants asked him, "Ok. Prove that you're the Pope."
He thought for a while and proclaimed, "I am one. The Pope is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one."
(Dr. Thomas G. Cleaver, University of Louisville, tom.cleaver@louisville.edu)

(40)
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
(David Archibald)

(41)
Terdaoat 10 tipe oarng di dunia ini ... yaitu mereka yang mengerti bilangan biner dan mereka yang tidak menegrti bilangan biner.

(42)
MATEMATIKA terdiri atas 40% teori, 40% pembuktian, dan 40% khayalan.

(43)
Di dalam DUNIA MATEMATIKA, Anda tidak perlu mengerti apa pun, Anda hanya dituntut untuk dapat menggunakan persamaan.

(44)
Matematika memiliki beberapa humor (joke). Humor apakah pakah yang terpendek?
Biarkan epsilon menjadi lebih kecil daripada nol

(45)
Apa yang menjadi penyebab big bang?
Seseorang membagi dengan nol! Wow!

(46)
Seorang ahli matematika (matematikawan) adalah orang buta di dalam ruang gelap yang mencari kucing hitam yang tidak ada di sana.

(47)
Apakah Anda pernah mendengar tentang seorang yang ahli dalam statistika?
Kemungkinan ... tidak!

(48)
Matematika seperti jatuh cinta – hal yang sederhana tapi dapat berubah menjadi sangat rumit

(49)
Bagaimana matematikawan memberikan nasihat yang baik pada anak-anaknya?
“Ayah sudah bilang n kali, ayah sudah bilang n+1 kali, ayah sudah bilang n+2 kali, ...”

(50)
"Obat membuat seseorang sakit, matematika membuatnya sedih, dan agama dapat membuatnya merasa berdosa”

(51)
Surveu membuktikan bahwa pelajaran matematika membuat murid di kelas menjadi lebih sholeh. Mereka selalu berdo’a jika akan memulai pelajaran matematika “Semoga gurunya tidak hadir, Amin.”

(52)
Apa arti dari π?
Matematikawan : "π merupakan perbandingan keliling lingkaran dengan diameternya."
Insinyur: "π adalah 22/7."
Fisikawan: "π sama dengan 3,14159 ± 0.000005."
Programer: "π sama dengan 3,141592653589 dengan ketepatan ganda."
Ahli gizi: "Pie, wow ... sungguh sebuah hidangan penutup yang sangat lezat dan sehat!"

(53)
“Baik, anak-anak kita mulai ujian hari ini. Soalnya seperti yang telah kita pelajari sebelumnya, hanya angka-angkanya saja yang ebrbeda. Namun ada beebrapa angka yang sama, nilai π sama, tetapan Planck ... "

(54)
Daerah Alaska merupakan daerah yang sangat dingin, dimana nilai π hanya 3,00. Seperti yang kita ketahui segalanya menyusut dalam keadaan dingin. Mereka menyebutnya dengan π Eskimo.

(55)
Buku matematika yang ‘memusingkan’ bagi para siswa. Sebenarnya ada 2 jenis tipe siswa ketika membaca buku matematika: siswa yang pusing setelah membaca 1 kalimat dan sisanya pusing setelah membaca 1 halaman.

(56)
Trigonometry for farmers: swine and cowswine.
(Erland Gadde, Erland.Gadde@sm.luth.se)

(57)
Beginilah jadinya, seekor anjing yang dipelihara oleh guru matematika nomer wahid di Indonesia:
Seekor anjing yang hanya dapat menggonggong: “Log-log, log-log, log-log, ...!“

(58)
2 tambah 2 sama dengan 22

(59)
Engineer, physicist and mathematician are asked to find the value of 2+2.
Engineer (after 3 minutes, with a slide rule): "The answer is precisely 3.9974."
Physicist (after 6 hours of experiments): "The value is approximately 4.002, with an error of plus-or-minus 0.005."
Mathematician (after a week of calculation): "Well, I haven't found an answer yet but I can prove that an answer exists."
(Cal Herrmann, arminius@nature.Berkeley.edu)

(60)
Prime time:
The math faculty decided they got too few first year students. So, they made a television commercial to show how exciting mathematics can be. Too get the biggest audience it was scheduled at prime time: 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 5 o'clock, 7 o'clock and 11 o'clock.
(Joachim Verhagen)

(61)
Hal yang dapat ditoleransi untuk anak yang tidak mengerjakan PR matematika:
1. Maaf, Pak, tiba-tiba saya mengalikan semuanya dengan 0.
2. Kemarin hari ulang tahun Isaac Newton, Pak.
3. Saya sudah mengerjakannya Pak, hanya kertasnya tidak cukup untuk menuliskan pembuktiannya.
5. Kemarin mendung Pak, saya menggunakan kalkulator tenaga surya.
7. Kata ibu jika makan jangan ada sisa. Kemarin malam saya mengerjakannya sambil makan donat, dan bagian tengahnya belum saya makan, jadi waktunya habis buat makan bagian tengahnya Pak, sampai sekarang.

(62)
Ernst Eduard Kummer (1810-1893), a German algebraist, was rather poor at arithmetic. Whenever he had occasion to do simple arithmetic in class, he would get his students to help him. Once he had to find 7 x 9. Kummer calculated 7 x 9. Kummer said to himself: "Hmmm the product cannot be 61, because 61 is prime, it cannot be 65, because 65 is a multiple of 5, 67 is a prime, 69 is too big - Only 63 is left."
(Joachim Verhagen)

(63)
Kimia adalah fisika tanpa berpikir, matematika adalah fisika tanpa tujuan.

(64)
Biologists think they are biochemists, Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists, Physical Chemists think they are Physicists, Physicists think they are Gods, and God thinks he is a Mathematician.

(65)
Q : Did you hear about the murderous mathematician?
A : He went on a killing spree with a pair of axis!

(66)
Bagi perempuan yang masih mencari pasangan hidup (suami) carilah seorang arkeolog, karena dia akan semakin menghargai Anda jika Anda semakin tua.

(67)
Semua Bilangan sama dengan Nol
Bukti, misalkan a=b, lalu
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Dalamkasus lain, jika a + b = b, dan a = b, lalu b + b = b, maka 2b = b, yang berarti 2 = 1.

(68)
Tiga sama dengan Empat
Bukti:
Jika, a + b = c
Dapat ditulis menjadi:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
Setelah disusun ulang:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
4 = 3

(69)
Anda punya masalah tentang matematika?
Ketik reg [spasi] parusing
kirim ke 0-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

(70)
Relativitas:
Dua helai rambut di dalam cangkir kopi susu saya terlalu banyak.
Dua helai rambut di kepala saya terlalu sedikit.

(71)
Wanted!
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive

(72)
E = mc^2
Kenapa dengan huruf c untuk kecepatan cahaya bukan l (light)?
Soalnya penemu gaya relativitas sebenarnya bukan Albert Einstein melainkan Asep Situmorang, dia mengambil c dari “cahaya”. Sayang ...

(73)
Q: How does Einstein begin a story?
A: Once upon a space-time...
(P.K.Badri, u9734113@btech.iitkgp.ernet.in)

(74)
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
(Albert Einstein)

(75)
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
(Albert Einstein)

(76)
I never thought that others would take them so much more seriously than I did.
(Albert Einstein about his theories)

(77)
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
(Albert Einstein)

(78)
Jika sebuah fakta tidak sesuai dengan teori, ubah saja faktanya!
(Albert Einstein)

(79)
In the period that Einstein was active as a professor, one of his students came to him and said: "The questions of this year's exam are the same as last years!" "True," Einstein said, "but this year all answers are different."

(80)
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Einstein: What do you say, professor, shouldn't we marry and have a little baby together: what a baby it would be - my looks and your intelligence!
Einstein: I'm afraid, dear lady, it might be the other way around...

(81)
The story is that Albert Einstein's driver used to sit at the back of the hall during each of his lectures, and after a period of time, remarked to Einstein that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it several times.
So, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back, in driver's uniform.
The driver gave the lecture, flawlessly. At the end, a member of the audience asked a detailed question about some of the subject matter, upon which the lecturer replied, 'well, the answer to that question is quite simple, I bet that my driver, sitting up at the back, there, could answer it...'

(82)
"Genius is one per cent inspiration, ninety-nine per cent perspiration."
(Thomas Alva Edison)

(83)
What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.

(84)
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

(85)
A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He sat out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
(86)
Anything that doesn't matter has no mass.

(87)
Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not. It's not even Catholic!!!

(88)
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"

(89)
Is one second really one second?